Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"

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(502): View more from Kentucky

She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.

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(585): View more from New York

My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.

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(440): View more from Ohio

We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!

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(203): View more from Connecticut

She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses

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(757): View more from Virginia

Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.

(1-757): View more from Virginia

I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?

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(719): View more from Colorado

A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.

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