Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
