Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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