i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
