i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
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just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
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Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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