Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
