when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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