told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
