I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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