bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
