My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
