i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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