I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
