he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
