I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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