I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
