I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
