Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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