btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
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I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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