she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
