fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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