God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
