Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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