So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
