I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
