Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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