Say something about gay babies.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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