I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
