So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
