Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
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BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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