Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
