When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
