Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
