my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
