I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
