lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
