New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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