I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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