I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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