I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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