my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
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I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
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The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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