Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
