ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it's like iHOP with fire
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
