the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
