If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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