Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
