i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
