I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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