THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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