I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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