"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
