I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
