My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Enjoy the penises
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
