Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
