you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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