You're my little dorito
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
