I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
